This is hallowe'en...

My God but they're a hardy bunch up here!

It's FREEZING cold. It's blowing a hurricane. I'm currently sitting in my living room, wrapped up in Ugg boots, tracky b's, a cashmere polo neck and a hoody, huddled in front of my electric heater hoping that if I keep on typing long enough I will regain feeling in my fingers (not sure what to do about my toes yet...) and wondering if there's any way I could teach the cat to turn on the heating before I get home from school.

Has this baltic weather discouraged sugar-hungry guisers? Has it buggery.

And so all efforts to warm myself or my house are being thwarted by the fact that every ten minutes or so I have to open the front door and give sweeties away. Of course, this inclement weather does mean that I have no interest whatsoever in any 'tricks' that the little demons/witches/vampires/school kids (no school uniforn up here so it has a bit of a novelty value)/old people/etc might have prepared to earn their sugar hit, and so I'm saved from my usual Hallowe'en tantrum that kiddies these days get arsey over the fact that you expect them to offer you some sort of entertainment in exchange for sugary goodness. Not that I have high standards - a simple joke will do. I distinctly remember being forced, age 13, to escort my 6 year old brother and his friends around North Berwick. My darling little bro's party piece was just such a simple joke - he'd made it up himself, and was indescribably proud of it:
Bhrian: "Knock knock"
Unsuspecting neighbour: "Who's there?"
Bhrian: "Dinosaur"
Unsuspecting neighbour: "Dinosaur who?"
Bhrian: "Dinosaur's don't say 'who', they say 'rooooaaaaarrrrr'!"
Cue hysterical six-year old laughter, unsuspecting neighbour bemusement, sugary goodness for all!

Needless to say, Bhrian has never yet been allowed to forget this early evidence of 'comic genius', but it has ensured that my trick-or-treat standards remain suitably low. I do usually expect some sort of effort, but tonight, what with the hurricane that appears to be blowing directly from the arctic circle (can you get hurricanes in the arctic?) I'm more than willing to waive my rights to demand entertainment if it at least means I don't need to have the door open for more than 30 seconds at a time.