Puppy vs Cat...

Hmmm....Fonz is not quite as thrilled about the whole 'puppy' thing as I seem to be. So far today we have at least managed to get her down stairs, but all she's really done so far is sit in the kitchen and glare at the puppy.

Fortuately puppy is pegged out fast asleep in the middle of the living room floor, but it may all get a bit interesting when Peerie wakes up...

Puppy!

The Puppy is here! At the moment the name is Peerie Mootie (translates from Shetlan' as Little Small!) but that may change over the weekend if I decide it doesn't suit her. We shall see.

Anyway, she's adorable. I think she's feeling a little bit lost without her mum, dad, or brother, but I'm sure she'll settle in. The cat is currently ignoring her - which is preferable to her trying to kill the wee thing! We shall see how that goes.

And now for the important bit...photos!

So Exciting!!!!!!!!

I'm getting a puppy!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited. I went to meet the pup (and her parents & breeders) today and she is just too cute! I did the sensible thing - I went home and thought about it without having the little ball of fluff sitting there trying to seduce me, and I did decide that I really did want her. She's just adorable.

She's a shih tzu, she's 10 weeks old on Tuesday and I'm bringing her home on Friday. (She's really small, so she didn't get her first jabs with the rest of her littermates and is getting the first ones on Wednesday.)

She is so so adorable. So now I need to think of a name for her...the breeders have been calling her Honey, but...I'm not overly enamoured of 'Honey'...not sure what I'll call her...I'm quite attached to Doodlebug for some unknown reason, but that sort of seems like more of a boy's name...

Photos and overly excited updates of her every move will no doubt follow in time. I'm so excited!

Festive Cheer

This website is a little gem that is guaranteed to provide hours of festive procrastination! www.elfyourself.com Enjoy!

Christmas time...

I cracked. A full week earlier then usual, and I cracked. My christmas tree is now up and decorated in my living room. My classroom is probably going to be decorated tomorrow afternoon. It's Christmas, I'm embracing it, it's fine!

It's actually all ITV's fault. I was doing ok. Holding out against the relentless pressures of retail, the kids at school, my neighbours who have decorated inside and out (christmas decorating is much bigger up here than I would have expected)...I even held strong against the fact that the radio is now playing Christmas songs. And then ITV had to go and put Love Actually on tonight. And I cracked. I'm now in the christmas zone. And I don't care. My christmas tree is lovely.

And for those of you who know my penchent for creating my own christmas tree fairies, you'll be glad to know that my trusty barbie has a new outfit this year. Isn't she fab? (If a tad Wonder Woman-esque...)

On a totally different topic, this is an appeal to anyone reading this for some advice. Should I get a puppy or not? I've been thinking about it for a while, and a couple of weeks ago a litter of Shih Tzus was advertised in the paper and I decided (rather sensibly I thought) to have a serious think, sleep on it, and if I still wanted one phone then. So I did, and I did still want one, but by the time I phoned, all the puppies had found homes.

And then today I got a call from the nice people to say that they've been told by their vet that the bitch they'd been planning on keeping is going to be too small as an adult to breed, so now they're looking for a new home for her. And do I want her? (On the strict condition I get her spayed - which I would have done anyway.)

Now...I know this is a big decision. I have until Saturday to think about it as I can't go out to meet the pup (and its parents and breeders) until Saturday. But I do want one... And so this is an appeal for sensible advice. At least, something slightly more helpful than my mother's somewhat useless: "oh, an ickle puppy! I could look after it when you go on holiday...oooohhhhh.....[assuming sickly baby voice] ickle-wickle puppy-dog for christmas...." And so on.

So...Puppy or not puppy? That is the question of the day. Any advice greatfully recieved (but do bear in mind that I may well choose to completely ignore it...)

Parent's Night

Parent's Night. *big sigh* My first full one as a proper teacher.

I'm exhausted.

I arrived at school at 8.30 am this morning, I did a full day teaching. I then stayed in school until parent's night started at 6.30 pm, (having changed into my 'I'm an adult, honest' costume) and at that point I started talking to parents. I did not stop talking until some time around 9pm (although rational speech had become tricky at least an hour earlier - note to self: gibbering at parents does not a good impression make!). By that point I'd been bursting for the loo for at least half an hour.

I'm now back at home in a brain-dead fug of tiredness. I might also have some post of post-traumatic stress disorder. A minor one, but PTS none the less. Bloody hell!

God help me when I'm back on the mainland dealing with classes of 30! Of course, Shetland parents are very keen to 'get involved' and all that jazz, and they don't bother with appointments, so you can't even use the 'I'm afraid that's your time up and others are waiting' excuse...still, at least there is very little chance of them lamping you when you tell them that little Jimmy is actually a little shite who may be possessed by Satan, and would they mind terribly if you got the priest in for a bit of an exorcism.

...bloody hell...I need to go to bed...or open a bottle of wine...bed is probably the more sensible option...I don't have a bottle of wine...I have a bottle of vodka...but bed would probably be better...

TV Coma

I HAVE SKY!!!! I'm so very excited, it really speaks volumes about the somewhat sorry state of affairs which is my social life at the moment. Also, having been swearing for years that I don't need Sky, it does feel like something of a defeat to finally have it installed. But, frankly, I'll get over it - I can now watch Lost! I can watch Sawyer getting his kit off on a regular basis! Woohoo! So many channels....it's truely amazing!
See, the main problem with living up here on the edge of the world, is that there isn't really that much to do. I leave the house in the morning to go to school, and it's dark. Depending on the weather it may or may not reach proper daylight at some point in the day, which means I may or may not get to appreciate the actually quite lovely views out of my classroom windows, and then by the time I get back home again, it's dark. And usually blowing a gale. Which does, somewhat, impinge on the possibilities for extra-curricular activities. In fact, the favourite at the moment is going to the gym (yes, me. Going to the gym, And - even stranger - enjoying it!) - and even though it's at the bottom of my road getting there through the rain and the wind is a bit of a struggle.
On the weekends, the prospect of going outside is always hugely dependent on the weather, and evening activites pretty much involve going to one or more of Lerwick's pubs. Which is fine and all, but if you don't fancy the pub, you're pretty much scuppered. And so I have Sky. Happy days.

Also...why is it that I can't seem to change the font/colour/size/etc? What's that about? Answers on the back of a postcard please... (as you might have noticed...I've now sorted this...tres bizarre...)

I'm scary!

Well, it's finally been confirmed by the kids - apparently I am, officially, a bit scary! They're even talking about it in the hallways. Cool, huh?

It's been a funny week on the teaching front. I'm no doubt tempting fate and a full-blown swinging-from-the-lights riot by saying this, but I think I might have turned a bit of a corner with the bad-boy S3 class. Of course, the fact that that class is now down to only 6 members may have something to do with it. Naturally, of course, karma kicks in and the 'good' S3 class is descending rather rapidly through the various circles of hell. Now, there is the fact that one of the 'bad boys' is now in this class because he got chucked out of Physics and now has to take Biology instead, but actually, it's not him causing the problems. No, it's one of the other boys who seems keen to take over the title of 'Most Likely to be a Total Wanker'. So he has been. He made me finally give out a detention, and now he's made me send him out of my class.

As a result of this, he told me that 'I hate you. I really do.'

Am I bothered? I did rather enjoy writing the referral that was fired off to guidance, and I'm now REALLY looking forward to Parent's Evening on Tuesday, but I can't say that I'm really losing much sleep over the fact that one 14 year old boy from Shetland hates me. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it. After all - I'm scary!

Shout out

This is a big birthday shout out to Chloe to make up for general crapness in sending birthday cards, etc!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Cake!

It's official. I'm a domestic goddess.

Finding myself at something of a loose end this weekend, I decided to entertain myself with a bit of domestic magic. I make cake. It's very yummy. Then I made Roast Beef with all the trimmings. It was also very yummy! Although neither helped my waistline in any way...c'est la vie.

Woohoo!

Happy days are here again...

I got a phone call today from a very nice chappy from Sky who'll be coming to install my Sky dish & box - instead of waiting until the 19th of December, would I like it installed on the 2nd? Yes. Yes I would!

So...hurrah...I'm getting Sky over two weeks earlier than expected, and as a result will only have to put up with one more episode's worth of goading from the obnoxious PE teacher who has Sky+ but not a VCR and so can't record Lost for me, but who takes great pleasure in mocking me. Bastard.

I'm an idiot

Today it was confirmed, if there was every any doubt, that I am, in fact, a total and utter idiot. I've spent a large portion of the past week driving myself absolutely demented trying to find two DVDs I bought a while ago. I need them for my S3 class that I'm doing Dracula with - the DVDs are the 1931 Bela Lugosi Dracula, and a box set of Van Helsing, Bram Stoker's Dracula (the Gary Oldman one with Keanu Reeve's incredible-colour-changing-hair), and Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Now, I knew that the DVDs had arrived from Amazon. I knew I'd last seen them sitting on the arm chair in the living room. I knew I'd put them somewhere 'safe' when doing a rapid tidy-up prior to my departure south for the October break. (My landlady was going to be round painting the ceiling in the spare room so I figured I should leave the place tidy.) And then the trail went cold. The DVDs were no longer on the arm chair. They weren't in the large Sainsbury's bag in which my to-do ironing gets shoved (when it's not living on afore-mentioned arm chair). They weren't in the DVD rack - obviously. Nor were they to be found in any of the other six million places I've looked over the past seven days.

So where were they, I hear you ask. They were in the living room, as I'd always suspected. Turns out, in my wisdom, that although I'd opened the Amazon package to see what was inside, I'd never actually removed the DVDs from it. So in the October tidying frenzy, I'd shoved the entire thing away behind the clothes horse, between the bookcase and the wall. And there they've been until 6.45ish this evening when I spotted said Amazon package (having looked at it a million times before and assumed it was empty...) and thought "maybe...just maybe..."

Needless to say, a happy-dance-of-joy around the living room ensued, rapidly followed by the realisation that I'm an Idiot. No other words for it.

My name's Nyssa Anderson, and I'm an idiot.

Saturday night in Lerwick

Tonight I witnessed the true levels of excitement that Shetland has to offer.

I had decided on a sensible, quiet, peaceful weekend in this weekend, largely because I haven't been able to catch up on the tiredness that comes from thinking that getting the boat up one night and going straight in to school the next day really is a good idea. I'd even designated today to be a 'pyjama day'. That cunning plan was somewhat scuppered by the realisation that I had very little food in the house, and none that I could combine into something I actually wanted to eat. And it's a bit nippy up here to pop to the supermarket in your jammies. So I had to get to dressed. Nevermind. There's always tomorrow.

Anyway, so I'm in my living room, in a semi-coma of TV overdose brought on by Strictly Come Dancing (come on Smillie - it's national pride at stake now!), bits of X Factor (am I only one who just doesn't care who wins this series?), NCIS (Michael Weatherly is just lush - don't you agree?) and assorted bits of other channel hopping. Half-way through Special Victims Unit, possibly the most anti-climactic piece of potential excitement occurred. What began as a bad joke (how many attempts does it take ot land a helicopter?) turned into potential excitement as it became clear that said copter was, in fact, engaged in a search of the loch. Six times the copter slowly flew the length of the loch, circling Lerwick to come back and look again. Helicopters, as I'm sure you're aware, are a bit on the noisy side, so pretty much everyone who lives around the loch, and a fairly large number of passers by, had come out to watch the drama unfold - in very cold weather I might add. And then the helicopter just went away.

I have no idea whatever it was they were looking for, but they didn't seem to find it. I'm assuming it was a training exercise, but quite why they had to disturb/wake up half of Lerwick at 11.30 on a Saturday night, I'm not sure...

Surely they lie?

It is an incredibly sorry state of affairs when your third year boys class informs you of the sexual preferences of your current 'embarrassing, but I'm going with it' celebrity crush. Apparently John Barrowman (aka the rather lush Captain Jack) is, in one boy's words, "so bent he could suck his own knob". Delightful.

Anyone who may have information to the contrary, please let me know! To be fair....the clues were there, but I'm just not ready to resign him to batting for the other team just yet... And third year boys do lie...often...(see previous post for 'I lost the ability to sit')

Teachers laugh more often than any other profession...

And I believe it. To be honest, I really think it's because often you're in a laugh-or-cry situation. For example, when someone pipes up from the back of the class "So what page are we on?" when you've just finished saying "page 43" for the 23rd time in 2 minutes. Or when the reason given for non-attempted (never mind completed) homework is that "I lost the ability to sit. Honestly, it's tragic - I spent the entire night staring at the chair trying desperately to remember what to do..." At least it's more original that 'the dog ate it'!

Today was one of those giggle-inducing days.

Having spent almost the entire day finally marking the huge pile of essays that I've been studiously ignoring, I came upon an absolute corker. The only problem is that I can't decide if it's an accidentally hilarious example of why you shouldn't automaticaly click 'change' on the spellcheck, or if this pupil is actually a cheeky little shite staging a clever form of passive protest against my choice of class text. Maybe you can decide. The opening sentence of this young man's essay read...

"I have reticently been reading..."

That's right, "reticently". So, was he aiming for 'recently' but did something funny that sparked spell-check, or is he a bit clever, a bit funny, and a bit on his way to detention?

Who knows? You decide.

On a completely unrelated note, today I finally cracked and ordered Sky Digital. The Variety and Music mixes, if you're interested. It was a combination of factors that did it. There was the flyer offering 'half price subscription for three months' lying on the floor when I got home. There was the trailer for Lost series 3 that was on tv, mocking me with channel 4's shiteness. There was the obnoxious PE teacher at school who's been mocking my lack of sky (and hence lack of Lost) since the announcement of channel 4's shiteness. And then there was the prospect of the Shetland winter stretching before me...

So I cracked. I did have a mini-tantrum when I discovered that I couldn't order it online because I don't live on the UK mainland, but that was averted when the nice chappy on the end of the phone said that I could still have the £10 'book on-line' credit. And then I discovered that no-one will be around to install it until the 19th of December! Bastards!

PS: The 'I forgot how to sit down' excuse - I genuinely heard that on Tuesday. You have to admire the dedication to avoiding homework.

Visions of the Future...

11 weeks and 5 days. That's how long I lasted on this accursed island before turning.

Tuesday 7th Novenber, period 6, S3 English. I'm giving out books to be read (we're doing a play based on Dracula so I'm getting the kids to read a vampire novel of some ort for their personal reading this term). Anyway, I'm giving out books, deciding who gets what one, and I try to convince one boy to take Cirque du Freak because it's a short, easy read, and he's not a big reader.

So how do I describe this book to said chap? I tell him...oh the horror...I tell him...

"Don't worry, it's only a peerie wee book" (*gulp*)

"Peerie". Now, not only was it somewhat redundant as 'peerie' is the Shetlan' version of 'wee', it was my first unconscious use of dialect. Needless to say the boys (oh yeah, this was my all-boy S3 class) found this all very amusing. I see it as a worrying sign of assimilation.

Still, at least I'm getting off the island to do my Christmas shopping in Edinburgh this weekend... The Shetland influence is obviously much more pernicious than first suspected!

Little Buggers

There are those moments as a teacher when you genuinely wonder what the point is. These were fairly common as a student when I would frequently find myself wondering if it really was all worth it, and was office work really all that bad? I did, eventually, come to the decision that yes, it was worth it, and yes, office work most definitely was that bad. It had seemed that those 'what am I doing?' moments were at least mostly behind me now that I'm a fully fledged (well...mostly fledged) teacher. Turns out that it just means that the little buggers have longer to get under your skin - it's more of a long term project to try and break you down, as opposed to on placement when there's a definite end in sight.

Yes, the honeymoon is most definitely over as I found myself today in with the mentalist third years wondering what on earth the point was - when someone so clearly doesn't want to be in your class as P, there's only so much you can do to try and get them involved. And today that was barely even approaching crowd-control, never mind anything approaching education. Of ocurse, this has an effect on everyone n the classroom as even those few who actually want to learn and do well are skuppered by all the time and energy going in to keeping a lid on it. And today that lid pretty much boiled over. Tomorrow is another day, but it was undoubtedly compounded by the fact that I didn't get much sleep last night - tired and cranky does not a good teaher make. And so I'm now on the sofa in my tracksuit bottoms planning a bath and an early night.

Oh, and it turns out that it is INCREDIBLY cathartic to come home from a shitty day, put on comfy clothes, go out into your garden and spell out "***** [insert name of shitty pupil here] smells" with a sparkler!

Shetland's premier nightclub establishment

Last night I had an interesting experience revolving around Shetland's premier nightclub establishment (like there's so much competition up here...), the oh-so aptly named "Posers". This was only the third time I'd been to Posers, but what made this particularly special was that I was stome cold sober! Honestly. I know...it's unusual...but my back's been playing me up so I'd been taking painkillers all day and I didn't really think that mixing vodka and high-dosage ibuprofen is a recipe for success. And so I found myself in Posers, in the always-comic scenario of being the only sober person in the group.

Being sober in Posers also meant that I realised exactly what a shit-hole it really is! I always knew it was a shit-hole, just not how much of a shit-hole. On the plus side, I'm guessing they've had the cleaners in recently because it was definietly smelling better than usual. (Am I the only one who's noticed that since the smoking ban the assorted icky smells of stale drink and sweat have become a lot more noticable in many bars and clubs?)

Even more exciting...it turns out that there are actually good looking men in Shetland! Granted, I didn't get any numbers or anything, but the evening was definietly enlivened by the aesthetically pleasing nature of some of the Posers patrons. Things might just be looking up...

This is hallowe'en...

My God but they're a hardy bunch up here!

It's FREEZING cold. It's blowing a hurricane. I'm currently sitting in my living room, wrapped up in Ugg boots, tracky b's, a cashmere polo neck and a hoody, huddled in front of my electric heater hoping that if I keep on typing long enough I will regain feeling in my fingers (not sure what to do about my toes yet...) and wondering if there's any way I could teach the cat to turn on the heating before I get home from school.

Has this baltic weather discouraged sugar-hungry guisers? Has it buggery.

And so all efforts to warm myself or my house are being thwarted by the fact that every ten minutes or so I have to open the front door and give sweeties away. Of course, this inclement weather does mean that I have no interest whatsoever in any 'tricks' that the little demons/witches/vampires/school kids (no school uniforn up here so it has a bit of a novelty value)/old people/etc might have prepared to earn their sugar hit, and so I'm saved from my usual Hallowe'en tantrum that kiddies these days get arsey over the fact that you expect them to offer you some sort of entertainment in exchange for sugary goodness. Not that I have high standards - a simple joke will do. I distinctly remember being forced, age 13, to escort my 6 year old brother and his friends around North Berwick. My darling little bro's party piece was just such a simple joke - he'd made it up himself, and was indescribably proud of it:
Bhrian: "Knock knock"
Unsuspecting neighbour: "Who's there?"
Bhrian: "Dinosaur"
Unsuspecting neighbour: "Dinosaur who?"
Bhrian: "Dinosaur's don't say 'who', they say 'rooooaaaaarrrrr'!"
Cue hysterical six-year old laughter, unsuspecting neighbour bemusement, sugary goodness for all!

Needless to say, Bhrian has never yet been allowed to forget this early evidence of 'comic genius', but it has ensured that my trick-or-treat standards remain suitably low. I do usually expect some sort of effort, but tonight, what with the hurricane that appears to be blowing directly from the arctic circle (can you get hurricanes in the arctic?) I'm more than willing to waive my rights to demand entertainment if it at least means I don't need to have the door open for more than 30 seconds at a time.

Reader, she married him.

I'm well aware that this post is nearly two weeks late, but as I was on a boat at the time it aired, today was, in fact, my first opportunity to watch the final episode of the BBC's Jane Eyre (thank the gods for programmable VCRs).

And so, I now find myelf sitting in my living room, not giving a hoot that my fire is stubbornly refusing to catch, with an utterly ridiculous, probably bordering on the fatuous, smile upon my face, my whole faith in true love utterly reaffirmed. So much so, in fact, that I'm only marginally irritated by the fact that the iconic declaration of female empowerment that is "Reader, I married him" did not in any way, shape, or form feature in the episode. Give me time to come out of my 'true love conquers all' bubble of happiness and I've no doubt I'll find it in me to be truely outraged, but at the moment...couldn't care less! Likewise, I have no qualms whatsoever with their rather un-proprietous getting jiggy in the meadow at the end. I mean...Toby Stephens...who could blame Jane for wanting to finally get her rocks off?

She married him. He's lush (just look at him - would you say no?) and he loves her desperately. All is right with the world. *sigh*

I'm off to daydream delightfully about Mr R/Toby Stephens (either would do) declaring their undying love and affection...*sigh* I might even finally be ready to re-read the actual book...

Back to Isolation

It’s been all quiet on the blogging front recently because for the past two weeks (well…12 days, but close enough) I have been in civilisation! That’s right – I have been back in the land of Starbucks, cinemas, and shopping, and I’ve been loving it. Even more than the excitement of Edinburgh, though, was the visit to my own personal Mecca – Bloomingdales, New York City!

Maria and I fly off to NYC last weekend for a three night jolly (as you do!) and it was FAB! We did a city-tour on Saturday (because we were only there for a couple of days we figured it was the best way to see as much of the city as possible in a short amount of time), went to an amazing restaurant called Tao, drank cocktails that were dangerously drinkable, I shopped until I almost literally dropped, I had…wait for it…a Jamba Juice (Berry Lime Sublime with Energy for those to whom that will mean anything)…we got $9 manicures, ate far too much food…it was fab!

It was lovely being back in the ‘burgh too – seeing everyone, going to the cinema, generally being able to walk anywhere without ALWAYS seeing at least one person that you know…to be perfectly honest, I didn’t really want to come back up, but…the call of the pay-check was a bit too strong to ignore.

So here I am…back up on the edge of the world. But only just. The ferry ride last night was….umm….interesting! There was a force 10 storm…it was great! Buck (who was in the Navy and then worked on the oil rigs up here and in the Far East and Africa) suggested that I either a) get off the boat or b) strap myself in and make my peace with God. Helpful, huh? Fortunately my cabin was pretty much in the middle of the boat so I think we were spared the worst of the movement (there were two of us in the cabin and by this morning it was a sort of blitz-spirit type thing!) Since arriving back in Lerwick the general response has been “Were you on the boat last night?” “Yup” (said with a deep sigh and a grim look). “Wow,” (laughing) “how was that for you?” Dontcha just love community spirit?

But now I’m back in my wee house (which is absolutely bloody freezing after my 12 day absence), desperately trying to convince my shitty fireplace that it does, in fact, want to become a roaring house-warming blaze – thus far it is remaining stubbornly unconvinced. Fonz is back from the kennels, looking only lightly traumatised but I think that had more to do with the storm last night than any fault on the part of the lovely people who have been looking after her, and I think that she’s almost forgiven me for putting her in there – although she does keep on directly disapproving little meows in my direction. And now I really must get around to the huge pile of marking which I’ve been studiously ignoring thus far…fun as procrastination is, I really need to do it.

PS: Hurrah – there are flames! There are definite flames – that has to be a good sign…fingers crossed…

Holiday!

Hurrah hooray let all rejoice for today is the day when happiness comes upon us!

That's right - school holidays started at 1pm today - it's a happy happy day! It also means that in under 72 hours I shall be back in civilisation, Starbucks in hand, and in a week I shall be at Heathrow airport, checking in for my flight to New York! Woohoo!

I do feel a bit guilty having just put the poor cat into kennels, but it can't be helped. Poor wee thing looked so confused - I came home and she was curled up quite happily asleep on the stairs. Next thing she knows she's shoved into her box without so much as a by-your-leave, put in a strange car and driven to the funny place that smells of other cats. And I leave her there.

I'm a bad person.

But hey, I'm a bad person who's going to New York - I'll learn to live with my guilt. Somehow.

Positive Behaviour

Today at school it was 'Promoting Positive Behaviour Day'. Well, afternoon. What this involves is...

Last week all staff were given a list of the first, second, and third year pupils. There was five categories of behaviour (punctual, attentive, attitude, homework, and prepared) and we ticked a little box to say whether they were generally punctual/attentive/prepared/etc etc. Each pupil got ticky-boxes from ten teachers, giving them a possibile score of fifty. If they achieved 44 out of 50 they got to spend this afternoon doing an activity of their choice. (I think the options were crepe making, design/craft, computer animation, music and 'extreme dodgeball' - not sure what that involves but it brings to mind lots of comedy Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn images). Those who didn't reach the magic number of 44 ticks had to follow their usual timetable - or as close to normal as possible given that lots of teachers were involved in the activities.

Now, I'm all in favour of rewarding pupils - lots of attention tends to go to the 'bad' pupils and those who behave themselves can be just left to get on with it, but it does somewhat seem that today was rewarding pupils for doing what they're meant to be doing anyway - ie, paying attention in class, handing in homework, etc. They haven't done anything particularly impressive, or is it really so unusual for pupils to do what they're meant to that it has to be actively rewarded?

The other issue is the size of the school. As a rule behaviour really isn't a problem, so it turned out that the whole of first year got the required number of ticks in boxes, 23 out of 29 second years got it, and 13 out of the 19 third years got it. Which left not very many pupils not involved in the activities.

Failing to achieve 44 out of 50 ticks is not meant to result in a punishment (although it does result in a 'chat' with guidance) but with such small numbes involved...it's just a bit odd.

I wasn't involved in any of the activities so I found myself with the six unfortunate second years in my classroom for one period. Fortunately they all had an essay to finish off, so really all that not doing the activities meant was that they didn't have any english homework to do! For the other two periods this afternoon I found myself with two of the third years in my room, also working on an essay. They were timetabled for Practical Crafts and Maths, but requested time to come and work on their essays, and I was MORE than happy for them to do this. In fact, in period seven all of the five third years not on activites ended up working on their english essays, although they were split between my room and maths - having all five of the 'bad boys' in my classroom at the same time is not my idea of a relaxing afternoon!

And therein lies the irony. These five are the 'bad boys' - not just of the year but of the school (there are a couple of others but they had somehow managed to get the 44 ticks...don't ask me how) and yet this afternoon was one of the most pleasant I've spent in the school. Thursday is my quiet day and I always have periods six and seven free for marking/preparing/whatever else is required, but to be perfectly honest by the end of the day I'm usually bored stiff. Teaching is really a profession for those with a short attention span - there's an endless variety of people and things to keep you entertained - and on Thursdays I only have two out of seven periods when I'm teaching - the rest of the time I'm festering in my classroom. And so having company while I sat and marked was a refreshing change. It was all perfectly civilised - the boys got on with their essays (and three of them got them finished and handed in - something I doubt would have happened had they been left to finish them for homework) but there was a lovely relaxed atmosphere. There was a fair amount of chatting, but as the work was being done I wasn't complaining, and quite a lot of it was the boys asking me about when I lived in California, university, what I thought of Shetland, etc, etc.

One of the lovely things about such a small school is that there's the opportunity for really good relationships between pupils and staff. There's so few of you that you have no choice but to get to know each other, and this afternoon I think I started to feel that relationship building up for the first time. It really shows you what a difference small classes make. That, and taking the time to actually TALK to pupils, and to treat them like adults, rather than kids. They do respond to it, and it can only make life easier for them and me.

Of course, it was additionally gratifying to think that spending the afternoon working on English essays was preferable to Practical Crafts and Maths, but whether that's a comment on me, or on the maths teacher (and the fact that PC was being covered by the Head today) I'm not sure...nor do I want to ask.

A New World Order

Today at school I found my entire world view in very serious danger of being turned upside down, inside out, back to front, and all sorts of other manifestations of weirdness being afoot. Now, this is not althogether unusual on a Thursday - there is a direct correlation between the nearness of the weekend and the general raucous-ness of school (and I'm not talking about the kids here). To add to this Thursday-effect is the fact that the October holidays begin tomorrow (HURRAH HOORAY YEEHAH etc etc), and this afternoon was 'Promoting Positive Behaviour' afternoon. However, it was none of these deviations from the usual routine by which I run my life that was messing with my head. No, the thing that was really sparking off my weird-ometer was this:

A PE Teacher in a SUIT!

I ask you - what is the world coming to? My first question on heading to the staffroom for the daily meeting was "Is he in court today?" A slightly irritable "I heard that" was the response - it didn't seem to help when I told him that he was meant to hear it! The French teacher asked if he was going to a funeral, and the general consensus amoung the kiddies was "It's just not right."

It transpired that the reason for the suit is the fact that this PE teacher is also one of the two guidance teachers at school, and he had to go out to visit the fourth years who are all on work experience placements this week. Apparently a quiet word had been had that last year he had looked a bit "scruffy" in his standard PE uniform of a tracksuit & trainers, so the other extreme was reached this year. Granted, the effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that said PE teacher hadn't bothered shaving (a fact I was fairly quick to point out, in my usual charming manner) - this was a reflection of his 'inner scruff' - or alternatively that a certain someone was running late this morning.

Anyway, basically - it was just plain weird - PE teacher in a suit. It's just not right. Of course, the comedy of the situation was added to considerably at lunch time when there was a rather sheepish confession coming from a suited and booted PE teacher..."I forgot my PE kit!"

All is forgiven

I take back at least some of my pedantry towards the BBC's Jane Eyre - Mr Rochester is fabulous! Mad wife be damned, he can 'overwhelm' me any time he likes! Silly silly Jane - bollocks to morality, you just know that you'd run off with him to his 'whitewashed villa in the sun' if he asked...or is that just me?

*swoon*

It's Official: I'm a Geek.

I am officially a total geek. Having got overly excited that Level Two of the WOMBATs were available on JK Rowling's website last week, the results came out today. For those of you not in the loop with these sorts of painfully geeky things, WOMBAT stands for Wizard's Ordinary Magic and Basic Aptitude Test and is designed to test basic knowledge and survival skills in the world of Harry Potter. Being entirely a written paper it is open to Muggles as well as Wizards and Witches and is as good as we can get without sitting OWLS or NEWTS.

Like the OWLS and NEWTS the grading scheme is O, E, A, P, D, T. Standing for Outstanding, Exceeds Expectations, Acceptable, Poor, Dreadful and (god forbid) Troll. In Grade One - a fair while ago - I was alarmingly pleased with myself to get an O for Outstanding - the highest grade. This time round I'm almost ashamed to admit that I'm annoyed with myself for only getting an Exceeds Expectations in Grade Two. I clearly need to spend more time re-reading the books and wallowing on the Harry Potter Lexicon before the next and final exam!

Living in Isolation

I'm two months into life up here in Shetland, and most of the time I find I've come to terms with life on a small island at the edge of the world. I've accepted that roughly 90% of the school population are related to each other in some way (and that includes teachers, office staff, cleaners, dinner ladies and jannies - so basically you have to be VERY careful if you're planning on mouthing off about any of the pupils!). I'm fine with the fact that it is physically impossible to go to one of the two supermarkets without seeing, and having to stop and speak to, at least one person you know. I've come to terms with the fact that there are just not that many places you can get drunk, so, as with the supermarket, you will meet people you know - and pretty much the best you can hope for is that they're in a worse state than you. It is a fact of life that living on a small island, and teaching in an even smaller hamlet, means that absolutely everyone knows all that there is to know about your life - as evidenced by the fact that yesterday the lovely woman who cleans my classroom asked me how long I was going to New York for in October! (Oh yeah, I'm going to New York for a long weekend in October with Maria. As you do!)

Despite all this acceptance, however, there are times when I am forcibly reminded of all the things I'm missing. My major bugbears as far as this is concerned is TV adverts mocking my isolation from the amenities which those living on the mainland take for granted. By this, I particularly mean trailers for movies that I can't go and see (there's only a cinema in Shetland one weekend out of every month and they only show three out of date films!) and the food-porn with which Marks and Spencer titilates my tastebuds. Seriously - there is no M&S closer than a 12 hour boat ride - STOP ADVERTISING UP HERE! Today, however, it was not food-porn or a film trailer. It was not a Starbucks craving (although a grande vanilla mocha with whip would have gone down an absolute treat this morning before school). It was not even the fact that the disease-ridden children I am surrounded by all day have given me a bitch of a cold and I feel like my head is going to explode and there's no way my granny can come and bring me soup. No. What got to me today was reading through my mate Chloe's Blog.

Chloe's blog is really quite entertaining, and it keeps me up to date in my isolation with many of the cultural events of London. I have no urge to ever live in London, although I do like visiting, but reading Chloe's blog today reminded me of many of the things I'm missing about Edinburgh. Things that I usually take for granted. Living in Edinburgh, I tend not to visit the various museums and theatres as much as I probably should. I take total advantage of the ability to shop whenever I so choose. Most of all, however, one of the things I most love about living in Edinburgh is how easy it is to get everywhere else.

Chloe's blog reminded me of this today. In addition to details about a current production at the Globe and a Holbein exhibition, Choe's recent exploits include a Monkey Gathering in London. And early excitement at the Monkey Cottaging Extravaganza which is taking place in November. This is, in fact, Monkey Cottaging Extravaganza II and I am GUTTED not to be going. I was Monkey Cottaging Extravaganza I, I slept in a tent for Monkeys Go Camping, and if I was still living in the Burgh of Edin I would most definitely be back at the Cottage. Unfortunately, getting from Shetland to Wales for a weekend is just not do-able during term time. Gutted. My only hope is that I can convince the Primate Pride to come north for Monkeys Go Wild in Shetland! Hmm...if it wasn't for the extreme drunkeness, sexual innuendo, gratuitous nakedness, blatent homoeroticism and steady stream of obscenities that follows them, the Adventures of the Monkey Massive could almost be a series of successful children's books...

Alas, however, I'm in the wilds for the foreseeable so must kiss goodbye to Gibbon Grabbing, Rheusus Romping, and all other forms of alliterative Monkey Love. A Happy Belated Birthday to Jik, Jimbob and Jarvis, and big love to all Monkeys everywhere.

An Islan' in de sun...

...and no, I do not mean Shetland! (Well, actually...it has been nice and sunny here for the last couple of days, but no...I don't mean Shetland!)

Rather excitingly, for once my mother has actually come through on her fabulous christmas pressie-promises (I know, it's only the start of October, but you do have to factor in my mother's metalist tendencies) and I am now tribe member 970! For those of you not in the know, I recommend a jaunt over to the tribal pages to have a bit of a looksie. Essentially it's a time-share for the twentyfirst century, but it's cool none the less and my mother has just bought me a three year membership to this 'tribe' in Fiji - which entitles me to three weeks holiday on said island, food and accommodation thrown in (I do still have to pay to get there tho), spread over the next three years however I want. Cool, huh?

Now, Fiji is a bit of a trek for a beach holiday, but as I've been planning a jaunt down to the land of Oz for some time now, and the easiest way to get to Fiji is via Australia....I'm sure you can start to see my thinking.

Who knew hormones were air-borne?

You remember back in the halcyon days of your childhood, with all the excitement of school-photo day? You know, the day your mum’d do your hair specially and your teenage skin would rustle a zit which so big it practically needed its own seat on the bus? Yeah, turns out that that isn’t actually anything to do with being a teenager, it’s actually a natural body reaction to the words “school photo”.

Now, what’s even more impressive is that I didn’t even know that today was school photo day. I CERTAINLY didn’t know that I would be getting my photo taken (staff photo? Bollocks!) And yet my skin knew. With unerring skill it managed to summon a spot on a scale similar to Mount Etna. And where was the beauty? You guessed it, right on the end of my chinny-chin-chin! Oh the joys! I can only asume it's some latent side affect of spending the majority of my time surrounded by hormone-riddled teenagers. Surely adolescence is like chickenpox - once you've had it once you're immune, right? No-one at Moray House mentioned this as a side-effect of teaching....

I'm a Pedant, and I'm Okay

Poor, foolish BBC. It was all going so well, and then along comes that irritating thing called 'artistic licence'. What am I talking about? The BBC's current adaptation of Jane Eyre of course.

Those of you in the know will be well aware of my somewhat tyrannical approach to TV and film adaptions of favoured books. I have still not brought myself to watch the most recent film of Pride and Prejudice because, frankly, the thought of Keira 'I'm not anorexic, I naturally look like a malnourished stick-insect' Knightly as Elizabeth Bennet makes me come over all apoplexic. Now, I had high hopes for this Jane Eyre. The BBC has an excellent pedigree when it comes to literary adaptions. Pride and Prejudice? Brilliant. He Knew He Was Right? Spot on. Even the recent 'Shakespeare Revisited' series was really rather good. (Apart from the mind-numbing MacBeth, but three out of four ain't bad, and Much Ado About Nothing was inspired!) And so with an equal mix of excitement and trepidation I sat myself down to watch one of my favourite books. (I'm aware I haven't been able to bring myself to read Jane since the trauma of fourth-year dissertation writing, but I'm getting close.)

It started well. Granted, Mr Rochester is FAR too good looking, and when Jane says that she doesn't find him attractive I was hard pushed to resist throwing something at the telly while shouting "Are you blind???" quite loudly. But even if he is a bit pretty, Toby Stephens did manage to convey a suitably bastard-ish character for Mr R pre-transformation. And so, feeling considerably more relaxed I sat down to this weeks installment. And that's where it all went wrong. You see, I let my guard down. I really should know better, but I allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security and so I was wounded by the travesty that was to come.

Now, exciting as a ouija board may be, as far as I remember it features NOWHERE in Charlotte Bronte's masterpiece (or, infact, in any Bronte novels). From what I do remember (and I am willing to be correceted on this [Chloe?] if neccessary) it is the much tamer, and more traditional, parlour game of charades which is played at the Thornfield house party. Now, the charades section is fairly lengthy, and I can understand that it may not make for the most thrilling of TV. And that I could have forgiven, had it not been for the next nightmare.

The Fortune Teller. This is an absolutely genius section and it ranks up there as one of my favourite episodes in the book. In it, Rochester rather dexterously, if somewhat meanly, dresses up as a fortune teller to spread a few home truths to his guests, and to try and get to the heart of Jane's true feelings about him. It's brilliant. It also has the added bonus of featuring a major romantic hero in drag. Kindof hard to imagine Heathcliff or Darcy donning a frock in his persuit of the heroine ain't it? And it's this donning of drag which helps make Rochester one of my favourite of literary heroes. And did the BBC respect this truely inspired scene?

Did they bollocks.

Instead we have Rochester lurking behind a screen in a fairly nancy-boy-ish manner. Vile. Yes, he's still pulling the strings of the [female] fortune teller, but instead of being humerous, perhaps even heroic, and being fairly impressive as a demonstration of how far he's willing to go, even at this early stage in the novel, to get Jane, in this version he comes of as fairly petty and almost malicious. It's just not the same. Gutted.

P.S. I also have to mention that the technological honeymoon is over - this is the second attempt to post this blog, and if it doesn't work this time, I just don't think I can be arsed writing a third!

The first blog

See this broadband malarkey? It's all quite exciting really isn't it? It now means that on a quiet night in I can do all sorts of exciting things that I've always wanted to do but have never had the chance. Like set up a blog! First MySpace, now my very own blogspot. It's sad that this is the most exciting thing I have to do on a Saturday night in Shetland...

In my defence, there is a very good reason why I'm in, playing on my laptop, tonight. Namely...last night! Those of you in the know may remember that the gods have been mocking me and I have had my first ever visit by the HMIE (Her Majesty's Inspectors of Education!!) after the grand sum of six weeks as a teacher! Happy days. On the plus side, the Inspectors have now left the island. Thank god. This has been the most exhausting week of my life thus far, and the English Inspector was only here on Monday and Tuesday. Everything went ok, English got a good report and the inspector was really nice to me - helpful feedback and generally positive. And I didn't even have to start crying.

Naturally, after the Inspection comes the Post-Inspection Piss-Up. Which in turn leads to the Post-Post-Inspection Piss-Up Hangover. Hence my being in on a Saturday night. I have spent the majority of the day feeling as rough as the proverbial badger's arse, and there is no power on this earth that would have got me out of the house tonight. Not that I expected anything else. As a general rule if you start drinking at 2.30 in the afternoon and don't make it home until over 12 hours later, there's an above average chance that you'll feel like death the next day. Yeaugh!

And so here I am, setting up my very own blog! And I'm frighteningly proud of my wee self for it, I can tell you. I'm pretty sure that one of the reasons I passed the PGDE year is because I display the neccessary characteristics to be an English teacher:

1. I have a ridiculously large collection of books that seems to grow on a weekly basis. (Most of which, incidently, STILL haven't been unpacked!)
2. Bad punctuation makes me come out in a cold sweat! (She says all too aware that there are probably some spectacular spelling/punctuation/grammatical howlers on this page, but it's the thought that counts.)
3. I think people should need a licence before they're permitted to breed. (Actually, this isn't exclusive to English teachers...)
4. The Most Important One. I am technologically incompetent. Thus my excitement at this blogging thingamajig!

Whether I keep it up or not is a whole seperate issue, but it's worth a shot.